Friday, May 1, 2009

Irby Update

1. WAPT reported earlier this week Mrs. Irby was driving over 100 mph. In the comments on this post, No title for this one, the speed is mentioned. I was told what the speed was a week later and it was supposedly 110 mph. Friends who have owned Mercedes sedans told me when driving over 60 mph the ride was is so smooth you wouldn't notice driving much faster as you would in other cars. WAPT story

2. The grand jury heard the case and has probably made a decision. However, such decisions are rarely announced immediately. If forced to make a guess, I'll say we should hear what it is in the next two to three weeks.

3. WAPT reported her BAC as being .09. Yes, I know that is legally drunk but until a few years ago that was considered legally sober until the MADD nazis took their neo-prohibition crusade to another level. This post was my little ole way of getting out there what I heard the BAC levels were. My source was apparently wrong or heard wrong as I was told it was a .19, not a .09.

One thing WAPT got wrong is that she was found legally intoxicated hours after the accident. I dispute this because she was tested almost immediately after arrival at UMC. Before they can administer any drugs to her or perform any procedures, they need to know if there is alcohol or drugs in her blood so the standard procedure is for the blood to be drawn soon after admission.

4. Interesting question. Local attorney Joe Hollomon is representing Karen Irby. Now let's just speculate for a moment. Suppose they were fighting in the car. I don't know anything, no special knowledge or inside scoop, just playing the legal beagle and thinking out loud. Suppose they were fighting in the car, that could make Mr. Irby a potential co-defendant. If so, would the same attorneys representing both husband and wife here possibly have a lil' conflict of interest? If such did happen, what was Mr. Irby's BAC level?

5. Everyone has speculated on what Mrs. Irby could be indicted for: aggravated DUI, vehicular homicide, manslaughter, etc. However, there is one charge I came across while reviewing the code that has not been mentioned by anyone: depraved heart murder. I hear some bells going off as people realize they had forgotten about that one. Here is what the Mississippi Code defines as depraved heart murder:
"SEC. 97-3-19. Homicide; murder defined; capital murder; lesser-included offenses.
(1) The killing of a human being without the authority of law by any means or in any manner shall be murder in the following cases:

(b) When done in the commission of an act eminently dangerous to others and evincing a depraved heart, regardless of human life, although without any premeditated design to effect the death of any particular individual;
(3) An indictment for murder or capital murder shall serve as notice to the defendant that the indictment may include any and all lesser included offenses thereof, including, but not limited to, manslaughter." Code

Compare that to the definition for manslaughter in 97-3-27:
"The killing of a human being without malice, by the act, procurement, or culpable negligence of another, while such other is engaged in the perpetration of any felony, except those felonies enumerated in Section 97-3-19 (2) (e) and (f), or while such other is attempting to commit any felony besides such as are above enumerated and excepted, shall be manslaughter."

Vehicular Homicide (DUI) is found in Section 63-11-30:
"(5) Every person who operates any motor vehicle in violation of the provisions of subsection (1) of this section and who in a negligent manner causes the death..... shall, upon conviction, be guilty of a separate felony for each such death..... shall be committed to the custody of the State Department of Corrections for a period of time of not less than five (5) years and not to exceed twenty-five (25) years..." Code

Driving over 100 mph on a road in the middle of a neighborhood with posted speed limits of 40 mph close to a major intersection could be argued as being so depraved or reckless it fits the elements of the law. This is worse for a defendant than manslaughter or vehicular homicide. No evidence of driving under the influence is required. As I said all along, the speed alone will be enough to convict her and for this charge, it is all that is needed. Being legally intoxicated will just be the icing on the cake. Looking through the code, it is a reasonable assumption the D.A. might be going for depraved heart murder and not vehicular homicide or manslaughter.

While everyone speculates on what Mrs. Irby could be charged with, this is one charge everyone should examine. I had not even thought of this one until I pulled out my dusty ole green and black code book and started reading.

6. Where exactly has MADD been during this case? One of the most dangerous places in America is to be between MADD and a tv camera whenever a prominent case involving alcohol takes place. MADD has been very quiet during this whole ordeal. Not even demanding the release of the toxicology reports. The current Executive Director of MADD is Tricia Raymond, former Executive Director of Safecity. Think Ms. Raymond is going to take a public stand against one of her own?

7. WAPT missed parts of the story. Simmons was told by a reporter they were under medical care. If he had bothered to read other websites and this blog, he would've learned Mr. Irby has been getting his hair cut, going to Bible study, eating at River Hills Country Club.

8. One possibility has been ignored by the media. Stuart Irby was injured in the wreck. Could Mrs. Irby be charged for causing his injuries?

Previous Irby stories:
Trick shot defense?
Update
Review of the news
Mrs. Irby is home
Results of poll
Irby filed for divorce in September
We report, you decide
Toxicology reports and campaign donations
JPD: toxicology reports could take months
Remembering Dr. Lisa Dedousis
No title for this one

58 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kingfish, your right about the Irbys may have been fighting. I heard from someone that is related that maybe they were fighting.It was mentioned that she is very jealous of him.This is what i heard.It was also mentioned that she might have done something else that night besides drinking.Sounds like she is a little on the Wild side.It was said that she is not so nice to Stuart.I believe she is a spolied BRAT!!Only thinks about herself.

Anonymous said...

Did I see someone mention that they were stopped by JPD before the wreck, Stuart was driving and JPD made them switch? Is that a rumor, fact, or am I totally insane?

Kingfish said...

It was mentioned on the the Fox40 or CL forum, I can't remember which. One would think the video cameras from CCJ would clear that up.

All I will say about Ms. Irby is if you see her b/fs over the years and read her divorce, you will notice a pattern.

Anonymous said...

Agreed.

Anonymous said...

IRBYFEST!!

Kingfish said...

This was on CL website:

li123 wrote:
Belhaven-I believe there were witnesses that said that Mrs. Irby was talking to EMS and police officers at the scene-perhaps she did answer questions at the point.

Mr. Irby also attended his prayer group last week and said that they would have lots of trials and tribulations in the future but, mostly trials. Take that for whatever you may.

JustWonderin-I have a very hard time taking you seriously-I'm pretty sure that you're a close friend of the Irby's. I'm not sure if I'd want a friend who killed two innocent people because she was drunk, stoned, and/or fighting with her husband. Careful-you are the company that you keep.
4/24/2009 3:20:10 PM
Apparently someone didn't tell Mr. Irby to not go out in public.

And keep the speculation on Ms. Irby's personal life to a minimum, right now I'd like to see the possible depraved heart murder charge and also Madd's silence discussed.

Anonymous said...

Fish, I've owned and driven several Mercedes's. I can tell you they really *are* smooth driving at almost any speed. Even those over the posted speed limit. I'll cop here to a ticket in front of the fairgrounds for 68 in a 60. *However*, there is NO way you can't or don't notice when you're traveling at 110mph in a residential neighborhood. The streetlights would have become a blur. I can see 'accidentally' doing 80 or 90 on the interstate, especially in the delta on I55. It's why I always set cruise on mine. And, having driven one on the Autobahn I can tell you that although they drive smoothly at 110mph the engine noise tells you you're not going 55mph. Never will believe 'accidentally' doing 110mph in a 40mph.

They were fighting. She may have been trying to scare him or just driving 'mad'. Who knows.

BTW, even IF her BAC was tested immediately on arrival at that would have been 30-45min post wreck. Didn't they have to use jaws of life to get her out? It isn't like they picked her up off the street and whisked her there. Also, they may have tested her several times when she got there waiting for her levels to get down enough to administer certain meds or do procedures. So 'tested at 0.09' doesn't mean that was the only test or the one closest to the wreck.

The question I'd like answered involves what would have happened had she not hit the Doctors. IF she had made that curve w/o impact would it have been possible for her to either stop at Ridgewood had the light been red, or slow down enough to make the 90deg turn left if she'd gotten there during a green. If no to either I'd go for depraved heart. What would have happened had some poor schmuck been pulling out of their driveway on Old Canton just around that curve. No way they'd have seen a car going 110mph.

Somebody was gonna get hurt that night. Bad hurt. Too bad it wasn't just the Irby's.

Kingfish said...

I'm thinking of her going through the intersection. Could've even been worse if you can imagine it.

Thanks for the comment. That was a very good one and clarified some things. You are right about the timeline, its just that WAPT gives the impression it was hours later and I think three or four more hours when in reality probably 90 minutes after the wreck.

Kingfish said...

I'd also say the speed makes it depraved heart. Going that fast, it fits the elements.

Anonymous said...

A group of lawyers with whom I frequently meet have been speculating depraved heart murder for some time. Also possible: aggravated assault against Stuart. The tip would be if she gets separate counsel.

Anonymous said...

That of course assumes they play straight with her and she opts for separate counsel. She's not that bright and they'll probably tell her they can represent her and her husband.

Anonymous said...

If she has to get her own counsel who will pay for it???? Does she come from money herself or did she just marry money?

Anonymous said...

Thats probably where they got her. We chose, you lose.

Anonymous said...

yES SHE DOES COME FROM MONEY.One family member i was told has more money than Stuart.

Anonymous said...

Nope, she doesn't come from money. Her Mom is even living in the former house she had with her ex husband. She has been after men with money all along.

Jim Craig said...

Interesting pick-up, Kingfish, re: the depraved heart murder theory.

The Court of Appeals in the recent case of Robinson v State (Feb. 4, 2009), explained depraved heart murder as follows: “Malice is implied, and hence murder exists, whenever a death occurs as a result of some willful act by the accused under circumstances where he knows the act is likely to cause death or serious bodily injury.”

Robinson, like a lot of the "depraved heart" cases, involves firing into a dwelling or at an occupied automobile. But in Sanders v State, 942 So. 2d 156 (Miss. 2006), the Mississippi Supreme Court affirmed a conviction for depraved heart murder arising from a fatal car crash.

And in White v State, 964 So. 2d 1181 (Miss. App. 2007), the Court of Appeals affirmed a conviction on that theory where the defendant ran down a police officer (who was on foot) while trying to flee the scene.

It looks like a viable theory.

Kingfish said...

I don't see anything in the code that says depraved heart wouldn't apply. Now my green and black ole code books are old but even those old annotations didn't say it couldn't apply in this case.

I also imagine Mercedes will want to know why its data event recorder failed. Anyone want to be that its placed somewhere else in the car?

Anonymous said...

I'm cynical to ask if the event recorder failed on impact, or afterward ...

Ahem.

Coff Coff.

Have to remember. German engineers designed that car and its event recorder to survive crashes on the Autobahn. Speeds at and over 110mph easily all the time there. Driven these cars for 25 years now. Great cars. Even visited the factory in Stuttgart. Those engineers will be *very* interested in why that event recorder failed. And 'when' did it fail.

Anonymous said...

The more that I think about it the more I wonder whether JPD has actually involved the Mercedes people in this. That's the obvious next step. Unless Bubba and Leroy botched the thing up so badly ...

The only reason Karen and Stuart survived that wreck was those nice Germa engineers btw.

Which brings up a joke.

Europe has a specific definition of heaven and hell.

In Heaven, the British are the police, the French are the cooks and the Germans are the engineers.

In Hell, the British are the cooks, the French are the engineers and the Germans are the police.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I'll have to admit I went and looked up EDR's on Benz's.

Turns out they don't usually have them. I just assumed there was one in there. Most everything else you buy these days has one.

http://www.autoweek.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080924/FREE/809189970/1023/THISWEEKSISSUE

"German makers tend to avoid EDRs, partly because strict German privacy laws limit the use of such recording devices and partly because the companies tend to view EDRs as having questionable value for customers.

"We have not viewed that feature as necessary or beneficial for the brand or our customers," explained Rob Moran, a spokesman for the U.S. arm of German automaker Mercedes-Benz."

Which begs the question. If there wasn't one in there, how could it be too damaged by the wreck?

Kingfish said...

Actually when the wreck first happened, I was curious and started looking online and yes, in the last couple of years Mercedes did start putting them in some models. Knowing Mercedes I bet they will examine it to see why it failed.

Anonymous said...

Get the VIN and you can get the scoop.

Anonymous said...

Her grandmother is the one with the money.

Anonymous said...

Wait. Is the argument that since she's got money in her family that she somehow is immune to gold digging?

LOL.

Some of the best gold diggers are those for whome no amount of money is enough.

Hint, that's what makes them gold diggers!

Although, if her grandmother has sense she'll disown the little drunk over this.

Anonymous said...

Ouch @ 743

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I missed something. What is the source for the EDR failing?

Can't hear the video-sound card went kaput on me.

Anonymous said...

For Karen to only have a .09 BAC, there must have been something else going on in that car that night. It doesn't take many drinks to register DUI and some people don't realize that.
She seems like a very discontented woman and unstable as well. Poor granny. She may end up without any money after she helps Karen try to get out of this one.

Anonymous said...

I, too, had .19 BAC from sources I considered very reliable, Kingfish. Interesting that the number was identical. The WAPT reporter may have heard that wrong or was accurately reporting the results of a BAC " taken hours later" as he stated. But, then he was wrong on the medical info as you pointed out so...

As the owner of several Mercedes, I concur that 60mph is barely noticeable, but over 90 mph on an interstate and even a passenger reading a book looks over and says " whoa"!

But, the point is " why?", if someone were NOT highly inebriated, would they be travelling at such a high rate of speed? I think that and their volatile relationship is where the fight rumors originate...that if not drunk or drugged, she must have been either angry with Stuart's state or in a jealous rage. If, as the speculation goes,she, in a rage, decided to threaten to kill him and herself, THAT would certainly be a depraved heart.

The charges by the grand jury will be dependent on what guidance ( and evidence ) they receive from the DA unless one of them is independently knowledgeable of the options. I wish Robert Smith had been more articulate in the WAPT interview...not saying he doesn't know his stuff and not everyone is good in front of a camera, but he didn't acquit himself well.

My sources report that Stuart has said he doesn't remember the accident.

I'm very surprised to hear Granny has money as I haven't seen evidence of support with that money for Karen or her mother over the years. Her mother, a very nice lady from all accounts, worked. Karen worked. Their lifestyles didn't evidence " money". My impression of Karen was that she was she was so socially insecure as to arouse my sympathy. I felt sorry for her even knowing of some inappropriate jealousy driven behavior when she and Stuart were dating. I assumed ( and I know the joke of that word ) that she had not gone to private school and certainly not graduated from college. That may not be correct but those experiences usually give SOME social confidence.Grannys with money will usually cough up for education even if tight fisted so interesting to me as an acquaintance if true but I would question the relevance.

What IS relevant is that Stuart and Karen will both recover sufficiently to see their children grow up, to see grandchildren born, to " go and do" and get pleasures from life albeit with painful physical reminders. The doctors that were killed will not. The doctors' families will not have those ordinary pleasures to enjoy either.

What is relevant , also, is that it doesn't matter how much one gives to charity or to one's church or how much money one has if one doesn't LIVE a charitable life that respects the lives of others. Sadly, going to church and charitable work is too often more about image and personal recognition than committment to ideals. I think THAT is part of the negative reactions...the suggestion that church going and charitable work buys one a " pass" on other behavior.

IF the " friends" and " family" of Karen and Stuart excuse their bad decisions that night and don't hold them accountable, they aren't doing them any favors. They aren't good and loving or loyal, they are enabling the continuation of poor choices and ensuring further heartache. They are not helping them face their problems and that is the first and most crucial step in problem solving. And, one can't " go and sin no more" until they've recognized their sins.

That night there were four people who had so much going for them. Two were counting their blessings and making the most of their gifts and looking to the future. Two couldn't find beautiful, healthy children, nice family members, financial security, favorable regard in the community, the opportunity to make the world a better place and a life filled with beautiful surroundings where others catered to their needs enough to be happy.

If you are friends or family of the latter, it's way past time for you to point that out instead of supporting rationalizations and excuses for a series of very bad decisions by them both...that night and leading up to that night.

Anonymous said...

The thing that is so compelling and scary in this tragic scene is that whether we admit it or not, we are all capable of doing something colosally thoughtless and stupid at some point in our lives. Mostly, lives arent lost or damages arent too severe.

Sadly, in this case,,,, the most horrific consequences.

Thanks for Asking said...

I wish Robert Smith had been more articulate in the WAPT interview ..."I hear you but he said far more than we ever got from the covering up McMillin. Watch the interview. Smith basically said that McMillin's fudging about not being able to arrest KIrby before the grand jury met was bullshit. $23,600 does a whole lot of talking and Smith's campaign didn't see even 1/20th of that.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure how long it will take for all this to play out, but it will be interesting to see what Stuart will do.

The divorce papers he filed in September could be re-filed.....if that was to happen, would he be given custody of his son due to his wife's actions. I wonder if Karen's ex-husband will go for custody of their daughter together. In the state of MS, does CPS get involved a case like this?

Then again, she may go to jail.

We are all human and do make mistakes, but when you are barely over the limit of being drunk and cause a wreck like this, there's something else going on inside of you.

Something terrible is missing from this puzzle and we may never know what it is.

But, what is clear, is that Karen didn't love herself enough to make a better choice that night. She should never ever have put herself in this position. Think of how many people's lives she has ruined besides the doctors.

The Irby's are a superb family of Jackson and have given given and given and Karen married into it not long ago.

With all the boards and charities Karen serves on, she should never have brought this upon herself. When you are that involved in the community, people expect more of a solid, stable person in Karen.

If she walks away with murder, will she still be allowed to serve on these boards?

Her choice to drive reckless that night created a terrble car wreck.
Anyone at any age that makes a choice like that, has some other issues going on, other than that of alcohol.

All of Karen's true friends need to help her learn what true happiness really is and it's not money, being a part of the social circuit, people's last names, cars and club memberships.

For those friends who know what I am trying to say, please help her because she is going to need lots of it.

Anonymous said...

Agree, Thanks for Asking...I just hope he and his office are up to the legal challenges ahead. Hope whoever does the actual work is the sharpest knife in the drawer and that ego/longevity don't play a role.

Anonymous said...

Jackson high society is very forgiving of a pretty woman with money behind her. All Karen will have to do is say " I'm sorry" , show up at church,and hang on to enough Irby money/support and life will continue as before save for the physical effects. No evidence of behavior change is required.

And, no one in society will ever ask themselves if such forgiveness is just a green light to others that there are no serious social consequences for bad behavior. Nor, will they ask themselves if their judgments of the less favored are equally forgiving in nature.
There will be a period of social distancing from Karen by some as they wait to gauge " the lay of the land". But, if the " right" people support her, it will be short lived.

Stuart's social lack of social consequence is already a given.

Unless the legal system comes down hard, I expect this will not be the last we'll heard of bad choices affecting others unless , despite society's condoning, they " get it" on their own.

Anonymous said...

where is karen irby's father?

Anonymous said...

Now, wait.

First you say "MADD nazis" got the legal BAC dropped to .08 from .15...

But when Karen Irby drives at a .09, you want to see the book thrown at her.

So which is it? Or should it be legal to drive drunk as long as you get lucky and don't kill anybody?

Anonymous said...

I think we all want to see her punished not so much for the .09, but for the stupidity of driving over 100 mph on a residential street! Two stupids doesn't equal a "get out of jail free".

Kingfish said...

Exactly. Driving over 100 mph on a residential street is depraved and deserves to get the book thrown at her. Even falling down drunk I wouldn't drive 100 mph.

Anonymous said...

I am with you kingfish. Something is fishy with Karen Irby in my opinion. It never made sense to anyone on why she would be driving that fast when all her friends say she doesn't drink much.
Her BAC doesn't reveal a plastered drunk at all. She's barely over and she may have only had 2 to 3 glasses of wine, felt fine to drive but also under the law, DUI.
Friends, it doesn't take much alcohol to register DUI.
Something caused her to hit the accelerator and obviously she didn't pass out if she was talking to the EMS as people have posted.
Keep us posted Kingfish.

Anonymous said...

Did I see someone mention that they were stopped by JPD before the wreck, Stuart was driving and JPD made them switch?If this is true, that is a HUGE story. Too many reporters in this place are intimidated by McMillin. Furthermore they either ask the wrong questions and/or do not probe his responses deeply enough. McMillin will happily answer the wrong question with the right answer. You have to be extremely precise.

Was JPD in active pursuit of Karen Irby? McMillin answered 'No'.

Had JPD pulled over Karen Irby earlier in the evening? McMillin will answer 'No'.

Had JPD pulled over Stuart Irby earilier in the evening? McMillin will more than likely dodge with some misdirecting $23,600 duck.

Did JPD remove one drunk driver from behind the wheel of that Benz while letting a different driver that appeared less drunk proceed? That is explosive if true.

Who's betting against Farese?

Anonymous said...

I have definite opinions of Mrs. Irby (not positive) but decided to check on a couple of things.

Responding to anonymous May 2, 2009 10:59 am-very good comments but I decided to look her up on the Southern Miss alum (I am a dues paying member) database. She did graduate from USM in 1992 with a B.S. in Speech Communication. She is a life member of the alumni association (not cheap either). Her work info as of 2007 states she is/was an acct. executive for AT&T. She will be 39 this year (she had been telling people she was 35 from what I hear, LOL!!!) Like people who were at Southern at the same time wouldn't know differently. By no means was I friends with her but knew who she was (thought she was Weird) but as pointed out earlier, could have been that she was/is so insecure that she is socially awkward. Never had the impression that she came from money.

Just some " FYI" for the group to chew on....

Anonymous said...

She probably became a life member of USM after she married Stuart. He probably paid for it.

Anonymous said...

I tell you what...thank you Kingfish...These comments are real...I'm in another state and I agree with the theory of JPD stopping and asking her to get behind the wheel. Going a 100 mph in that neighborhood is to me
INTENT TO KILL.....I know that street very well. ABSOLUTE INTENT TO KILL.

Anonymous said...

If Stuart actually filed for divorce back in Sept. according to this blog, can you imagine the REPRESSED ANGER going on inside her. Especially if she has a DISEASE OF JEALOUSLY...Stuart SHOULD HAVE FOLLOWED THROUGH BASED ON HIS INSTINCTS.
Happy Day everyone.

Anonymous said...

Based on Stuart's past behavior and the number of divorces he's been named in Karen appears to be fully entitled to be jealous.

He's got money, he doesn't *have* to be faithful.

Big reason I always avoided guys with money. Even if they had a mind to be faithful there's always gazillion women out there who don't *care* if he's already got a wife and kids.

Anonymous said...

Meanwhile, there is still no news from the grand jury...

Anonymous said...

And, what is the grand jury waiting on? Answer,the same thing JPD is waiting on.

Anonymous said...

Check the indictments handed down today. Rumor has it that the grand jury said depraved heart murder x 2.

Anonymous said...

No disrespect to the deceased, but what about toxicology reports on all the others involved. There were 2 vehicles and 4 people.
Could there be other factors in this situation? Before you all start yelling just think about it.
I know nothing about accident reconstruction and don't claim to, but there could be other factors in this crash. Just a thought so again don't go all crazy like some of you do. We are all entitled to out thoughts. Not trying to make anyone mad.

Anonymous said...

To 8:29: The two deceased were not the ones going over 100 mph into oncoming traffic.

Anonymous said...

X 2 depraved heart, what does that mean for Karen? Obviously jail, but for how long?

Anonymous said...

a lifetime behind bars and a lifetime behind the courts for the irbys...WAS IT REALLY WORTH STUART MARRYING HER...gees, HAIL TO MELISSA IRBY WHO SEALED HER DIVORCE PAPERS...

VERY SMART, CHRISTIAN WOMAN...THE MOTHER OF STUART, JR. AND NATALIE.

Anonymous said...

Heard the indictment came down today...get the "poop" Kingfish

Anonymous said...

The wheels of justice move sloooowly. Surely by now the grand jury has reached some kind of decision. Did you see the post on the C-L story about Stuart and Karen Irby at their child's preschool program on Monday? The poster was outraged that they were there laughing with their videocamera rolling (as if nothing was wrong).

What is going on here? KF...can you shed some light on what the scuttlebutt is out there?

Thanks

Anonymous said...

My source on the indictment is really, really, really good. What gives? Why no stories?

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the true Irby (Stuart) motive is to get Karen sent away for life. IF she's that crazy it would be cheaper than divorce. He'd automatically get full custody and no child support payments.

Anonymous said...

"I wonder if the true Irby (Stuart) motive is to get Karen sent away for life. IF she's that crazy it would be cheaper than divorce. He'd automatically get full custody and no child support payments."

I'm sure he could just get a mafia hit for less than a pretend defense.

really,,,,, are you that twisted to read that sort of "true" motive????

Anonymous said...

ClarionLedger:

Jackson woman indicted in fatal wreck

http://www.clarionledger.com/article/20090508/NEWS/90508005/Jackson+woman+indicted+in+fatal+wreck

Anonymous said...

FINALLY! Can't wait to see how this plays out.



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Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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